Avoidance
by just like our last
Summary: Six months gone, and I'm still reaching, even though I know you're not there.


**Author's note:** Because my friend on tumblr came up with the ship Brad/Melanie and now I ship it with no regrets. And I know this isn't long but there will probably be another Brelanie fic coming in the next few days because there are so many Brelanie feelings and I can't contain them all. Also I might be able to get a Cabbie fic up soon, and possibly a Cam one.

**Disclaimer:** Obviously I don't own iCarly.

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><p>"<em>Freddie<em>," she calls out, her voice a crack in the ever-present fog that hangs in the air, a shattered piece of forever lingering in the sound of a word. She reaches forward, but stops herself, almost calling out again before she lets her hand drop to her side, watching him walk away. Because she knows he cannot love her, she knows he only has eyes for her sister, knows that there is nothing here worth waiting for. So with a last sad look at the man she thought she knew, Melanie turns and walks away, head low.

She finds herself at the little corner bookstore, sitting in a comfortable armchair with a book in her hands, reading over words and never remembering anything, never taking in a single piece of information, but simply reading because it is something to do to keep herself from going mad, though she can't quite be sure she hasn't gone mad already. On her shoulder, she feels a hand, and looks up at the touch to see an unfamiliar male face through her blurry eyes, and it is then that she realizes she has been sobbing.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice dull and distant in her drumming ears.

She almost lies, almost. But then, "...no."

"What's wrong?" he asks after a moment, settling down in the armchair next to her and pulling the book gently from her hands, offering a tissue. She blinks with surprise, letting herself take the tissue from him, and blows her nose, dabbing her eyes gently.

"It doesn't really matter... Who are you?" she dares to ask. There is something about him that she almost recognizes from somewhere, as though she has seen him before.

"Oh, I'm Brad. What's your name?" he responds, offering a dull but polite smile along with his name.

"Melanie," she sniffles, blowing her nose yet again.

Some variation of a flicker of hope is welcomed into her heart as she accepts her new-found friend, and she surprises both Brad and herself when she starts to sob yet again, this time leaning forward to wrap herself in the stranger's arms. Though she knows nothing more about him than his name, his arms are a comfort in her hour of despair as thoughts of Freddie fill her mind, she lets him listen to her cry and he soothes her as best he can. The awkwardness soon fades away, and at closing time the store owner comes to tell them that they have to leave, and Brad takes her hand and leads her out of the store and across the street to the coffee shop.

Once Melanie has managed to collect herself, she figures she owes the stranger that just let her cry in his arms for two hours straight and is now offering to buy her coffee a bit of an explanation. So, taking a deep breath, she begins to speak in a shaky voice. "He left me for my twin sister."

Brad hands her the hot cup of coffee, but says nothing, nodding as he opens the door to the shop and they begin to make their way down the street. The sun is setting as the summer day draws to an end, painting the sky with beautiful colors that Melanie would normally find such simple joy in, but after today, nothing seems joyful anymore.

"My girl left me for someone I thought she hated," he declares as he sips his coffee, following Melanie's sad gaze into the sky ahead of them. "But then again, I never really had her in the first place." Melanie catches a twinge of regret in his voice, as though he is clinging to a million things at once, wishing that he could have told the girl he loved how he felt before it was too late.

"I'm sorry," she breathes, fondling the coffee cup as she brings it to her lips, sipping it briefly.

"So am I," he manages, and she watches as his eyes glaze over slightly, his throat gulping back emotions that he doesn't dare surface, not in front of a girl he only just met.

...

They come to know each other, though, and come to find out that they are talking about the same people, and that Brad's Sam belongs to Melanie's Freddie, and that Melanie is Sam's twin sister. And Melanie comes to realize that Brad is a lot like Freddie, kind and gentle, considerate and nerdy. And Brad comes to realize that Melanie is a lot like Sam, perhaps not in personality, but in appearance, beautiful and delicate, her blonde curls falling around her face in almost just the way Sam's did, her blue eyes blinking at him in a way that makes him think that he is looking at Sam for a fraction of a second.

With time, they come to realize together that everything is supposed to be broken like this, and that maybe if they let themselves be broken together they can break a little less easily, and that maybe things can be only slightly more bearable because they are not alone.

And so she falls into him, her bear body pressed against his, hot and desperate, both trying to fill the hole in their hearts that they secretly know they never will, both begging the other to fulfill them as they give their all into the love they make, while giving nothing at all at the same time. And her eyes meet his in a moment of brief hopefulness, a brief wandering moment lingering upon the fact that maybe they are a little more complete together than they thought.

They avoid the subject of Sam and Freddie as though it will help them forget what they lost, as though the scarce avoidance will allow them to pretend that they do love each other the way they wished they did, allow them to pretend that they aren't secretly looking into each other's eyes and instead seeing the one that they long for.

There is something tainted with loss in the emotion on Brad's lips when he speaks her name in the middle of the deep nights, when he comes to realize that neither one of them truly filled the hole that the other left.

...

The fake things always break, though. And both of them know that they cannot avoid these things forever. It is a winter evening, tangible and frosted, the snowflakes falling into Melanie's perfectly combed hair as they walk through the park together. Melanie is first to speak, her voice laced with longing and fear.

"Brad... We're not really in love, are we?"

Brad drops his head, his gloved hand fidgeting at his side. "No," he voices finally, not daring to look at her.

She looks away, a tear forming in the corner of her eye, not for Brad, perhaps, but for Freddie, for the emotions towards him that she tried and always failed to transfer towards Brad. It never worked, she realizes now, and she doesn't think it ever will.

"Maybe that's okay, though," she finally decides. There is something there, a lingering bit of hope that whisks through the frosty air and flows away as she allows a tear to slip down her cheek.

He nods, taking her hand, and squeezes it. "Maybe it is," he agrees.


End file.
